Along with this blog post, I also made a playlist of some of my favorite songs this month. Give it a listen if you’d like.

Summer’s ending soon; finally. 

I don’t have a problem with summer. I don’t hate it or dislike it; it’s just there. When people think of summer, they think of vacations, flings, late nights out, and other cute summery things, but not me. I haven’t given myself that chance yet. Next summer will be different. 

Last blog post, I talked about changes and me doing everything except changing. It’s different now. I’m taking steps in the right direction. Einstein defined insanity as doing the same things over and over again and expecting different results. For a long time, I fell into that trap. How can someone see different results, and produce different results, if they’re just doing the same thing every day? So, I’ve started to switch things up. 

I spoke to a licensed professional – a therapist. How about that? Health is wealth and for someone whose mind is always on, always thinking, always racing, why not seek help? I’d recommend it to anybody. You don’t have to face everything alone.

Timothy, the lovely man I spoke to, sparked something in me. He took me and put me in the spotlight. Then, piece by piece, he chipped away at my armor and exposed me. It was for the best. 

I discovered that my impulsive, self-destructive behavior was an act of terrorism against myself. My behavior was a reaction to not being able to have what I wanted. Like a kid who screams and kicks and stomps their feet at their parents for not buying them that toy. Except I wasn’t stomping my feet, crying, or kicking. I was shutting everyone out. I was being ungrateful. I was being a terrible person and an even worse friend. As he said, “It’s irrational, Jonathan”; thanks, Tim. 

He quickly saw that I wasn’t one to take risks. I laughed. He couldn’t have been more right. At work, I’m trained to reduce risk; risk is something no developer wants; it’s something no one wants. How many times have you stopped yourself from doing something because you heard/thought it was risky? That doesn’t mean that you or I shouldn’t ever take risks. 

I see myself like Miles Morales from Into the Spider-Verse; afraid to take his leap of faith. For a long time, I was hesitant, just like he was, to jump into things I couldn’t guarantee working out. But I’m finally doing it, and I’m doing it every day and loving it.

I learned that if I want my life to be different, I must take that leap consistently. I have to not be afraid of what I can’t control, and that’s always been my biggest enemy. Everyone fears what they can’t control, and that’s normal, but it shouldn’t bar me or anyone from taking risks. Who knows, it may end up working out in the end. 

One of the most important things I talked to Tim about was satisfaction. He quickly struck down my beliefs on satisfaction and how I thought it was normal to never be satisfied. He took a pin and burst my bubble. For a long time, I believed it was okay to never be satisfied and to always avoid being satisfied because you’ll always want something else. While that’s partly true, it’s not all about that. 

Tim explained that you have to make the conscious choice to be happy, even if you’re not satisfied. You must choose to be okay with not being able to have what you want. I’m finally making that choice. Every day I find happiness in what I have, and I’m grateful for it. 

Tim really stripped me down and called out the ugly parts of me in the nicest way. I have another appointment with him soon, and I’m looking forward to it. 

Whenever I think about it, I feel like the villain in those movies where they’re trying to force humans to evolve, but I’m not a villain, and I’m only forcing myself to evolve and do it as fast as possible.

Reading is one of my favorite hobbies, and I just recently finished Shoe Dog by Phil Knight, the founder of Nike. It’s an enlightening book I absolutely recommend. It goes through the history of Nike and the original employees until the company went public in 1980. 

It has some great anecdotes and powerful quotes. One of the best things I took out of that book was the idea of failing fast, and it’s one of the beliefs that allowed Knight to build Nike to what it is today. 

Phil Knight’s philosophy regarding Nike was to innovate and grow as fast as possible. That type of growth doesn’t come without failure, and when Knight did fail, he failed fast. This ensured he’d have enough time to implement what he learned, to do better, and be better. In the book, he says, “Life is growth. You grow, or you die.” Growth is the path to bigger and better things, and failure is good, but failing fast is even better. 

Change is one of those things that really does haunt me. For a long time, I’ve known and written on this blog that change is one of the most natural things in life; despite all that, I’ve always been so opposed to it. No one likes to be uncomfortable, but that’s where the magic happens. So now I’m doing everything I can to be uncomfortable because I know that’s where I’ll learn and grow the most. 

For my next book, I’ll be reading this cute little poetry book a friend gave me. 

As one of my acts of switching things up, I downloaded a dating app. Never in a million years did I think I’d make a profile, let alone download it onto my phone, but here I am. I picked my pictures and basics and wrote some lines into my bio. 

It wasn’t until after twenty minutes of swiping that I realized I was doing it the wrong way. I even got popups from the app telling me what to do, but I was having too much fun swiping and misread them. This was growth and failure, all in 30 minutes.

I just got a match today, and I’m waiting for her to reply, so wish me luck. I’m also open to pointers because I don’t know what I’m doing. 

This all goes to say I’m doing better. I’m doing great, actually. My performance review at work the other day was a massive success, so I feel I’m on top of the world now. I’m closing out the summer in a good way. 

Once again, thank you for reading.