Remember November

November was a decent month for me. It had its ups and downs but overall, and I feel like I say this too often, I can’t complain.

I can’t write this blog post and not touch on the main event of November; the election. The whole thing was electric. People were talking and bustling. Costco had lines, people were panic buying. It was the end of the world for most. Like a page out of a book by Orwell. At the end of day there was a victor, but no one won.

November this year flew by and almost left me behind. I’ve been feeling like I’m playing catch up with myself. I haven’t been giving myself my best self and it shows. There was something melancholic about November for me. Things aren’t bad but I think they are. Most days I woke up grasping for air; like I’d woken up from a nightmare. It’s me. I’m never satisfied, even when things are going well, I always want more. It could just be the time of the year. Seasonal depression is a thing. I don’t know. But I’m still here and we’re moving forward.

I can’t say November was all bad though. I discovered a bunch of music in November and that’s one of the good things that happened. I made a playlist for November too but this post is passed due so I don’t think I’ll share it. I might make one for December. I had a good friend of mine tell me he enjoyed the one for October, and I liked that, so you might see one for this month.

Thanksgiving came around. It didn’t feel much different from other years. My family doesn’t have too many relatives here in the States and we get together often so it was just like any other dinner. Maybe next year when half the country isn’t shut down it will feel different. I’m thankful though, gratitude is something that since last year I’ve been trying to show more of. I occasionally forget and can take things for granted but I humble myself and remember that as quickly as these good things came they can go. I’ve found that good things don’t stick around too long for me so any chance I get I’m thankful.

Another good thing about November was that I got to see and hang out with someone who I hold dear to me. She’s been a part of my life for a few years now and I wouldn’t have it any other way. It had been a while since we had talked, let alone see each other, so when that happened it was nice. We always have a great time when we hang out and I truly enjoy spending time with her. It doesn’t happen often enough but I’m thankful every time the stars line up for us.

One of the things we talked about was gratitude. She was talking about how no one really values anything anymore. People take minor conveniences for granted when they really shouldn’t. I remembered something that I had read on the subject. I told her about Dostoevsky’s words in Notes From Underground, he says that if he were to describe humans in one word it’d be ungrateful. I hate to agree with that statement. But I understand where he’s coming from. People either forget or they don’t care; they only see the big picture and not all the little things that make up life. I still do that sometimes, but I’ve done my best to change that.

Dostoevsky is one of the things I’m thankful for. He’s made me a thinker and has opened my eyes to lots of moral, spiritual, and ethical dilemmas that I wouldn’t have had an opinion on without him. He comes from a lineage of European authors that changed the world with their literature. I only wish that I had picked up Crime and Punishment and read it like I was supposed to back in my Senior English class.

Another book that I’ve been thinking about is Animal Farm. Especially Boxer the horse and his motto: “I will work harder”. He did that until the end of his days. Despite the cruelty of the world and the harshness of his reality all he did was work. It’s the only thing to do really. Keep working.

I’ve started getting more and more into poetry. I’ve written some; mainly, shitty, love poems. I’m a romantic, at least I think I am. My main inspiration and guy who’s gotten me into it is Charles Bukowski. His poetry is dirty and short and curt. It flows freely with little to no rhyming but there is meaning to those words. He’s a man who through his writing you see the loneliness and despair he lived with. I see parts of myself in his writing. If you haven’t read anything of Charles B., my favorite poem from him is Bluebird.

We’re more than halfway through December and this blog post was extremely late. I sat on it for a while but this has been it. Thank you for reading.

Coming up is my year in review, that one is always special to me. I hope December is treating you well and you’re enjoying the holidays. Thank you for reading!

-Jonathan :)

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