summer highs and summer lows

Summer is commonly associated with vacations and parties and summer friends and flings and the good life. My summer has consisted of less than half of the things on that list. 

June wasn’t too special. With me taking chemistry and attempting to balance work and school it was hot and boring. I became a regular at Bosa, my favorite place to stop by after school. The sweet workers there, especially the cute one with the piercings, smile when they see me walk in, and they already know what to get me, I like it. I get an iced coffee and head over to the office to meet with the boss before I have to leave for work. 

The best part of June was getting to reunite with someone who never in a million years I thought I’d get the chance to see again. We caught up through the dm’s first, a spark that ignited a forest fire of thoughts and what if’s. That went on for a bit then I proposed getting food. That Friday came and I was anxious, my hands were shaking, I had a ravine at the pit of my stomach, I was afraid of what seeing them again might be like. I was in line to order, waiting, thinking, of how the night was going to go, good or bad, happy or sad, I didn’t see her anywhere. Then, she said hello. I fell apart. Hearing her laugh, seeing her smile, hearing her voice get louder and louder as she talked, just being there, was magic. Discussions of the past and what had been never made themselves relevant, there was only the here and now. Jokes and laughter hid our anxiousness but it dissipated with the vibes we exerted. The meeting turned to bonding and was reminiscent of the past us, it was good. Nostalgia flooded mind and heart to release waves of memories. It was like a dream I had.

I’m thankful to the stars for lining up as they did. I’m hopeful for the future. 

July on the other hand, has been tough so far. I’ve been out of it but it will pass. I have family coming over in a couple weeks so that will be a good distraction. My main getaway from the world recently has been music and reading. Daniel Ceaser dropped a new album and it’s been on repeat ever since. My favorite songs so far are: LOVE AGAIN, CYANIDE, and, ARE YOU OK?. Those three songs struck me like lighting strikes trees in the forest, I can not wait to see him live. Shallow from A Star is Born is also a banger. 

For books, I recently finished Unfreedom of the Press by Mark Levin. I learned a lot from it, he discusses the role of the press and how in his opinion it is blatantly libertarian. He poses the argument that the President is correct in calling out the press for inaccurately reporting the news. Additionally, he reveals the collusion and actual attacks against the press that past administrations have actually been accused of but weren’t reported on accurately or completely due to them being democratic. It exposed me to new ideas and information that I would have never understood. It is a good, enlightening, read if you want to learn about the press and their role in instigating activism from people. 

Now that we’re in the endgame of 2019 I want everything to turn out okay. I know I don’t deserve it but who doesn’t want things to go well for them. I want to have what I didn’t have last year or the first half of this year. I want it to go well. 

Also, I read this poem by Charles Bukowski that I wanted to share as it reminds me of myself;

“Bluebird” 

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say, stay in there, I’m not going
to let anybody see
you.

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I pour whiskey on him and inhale
cigarette smoke
and the whores and the bartenders
and the grocery clerks
never know that
he’s
in there.

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too tough for him,
I say,
stay down, do you want to mess
me up?
you want to screw up the
works?
you want to blow my book sales in
Europe?

there’s a bluebird in my heart that
wants to get out
but I’m too clever, I only let him out
at night sometimes
when everybody’s asleep.
I say, I know that you’re there,
so don’t be
sad.

then I put him back,
but he’s singing a little
in there, I haven’t quite let him
die
and we sleep together like
that
with our
secret pact
and it’s nice enough to
make a man
weep, but I don’t
weep, do
you?

Thank you for reading. My bad for going ghost on you. <3